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Post by Urlybird on May 18, 2005 22:40:29 GMT
Anyone heard / read the story about the chef and the "Own Ships Noise " meter?
UB
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Post by Urlybird on May 18, 2005 22:41:05 GMT
D'you want me to tell you about it ?
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Post by con20or on May 19, 2005 12:52:27 GMT
if its a crap joke no. if its a good story then yes!
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Post by Urlybird on May 27, 2005 22:04:54 GMT
Picture the scene ! ....
U - 1## had been following convoy PQ#1 for the last 4 hours ,
The skipper was waiting for it to get dark , surface and reload his tubes with the 2 remaining torpedoes .
He'd surface at sunset , steam a course 90* abeam of the convoy whilst reloading his precious cargo, then under the cover of the night , he'd set a course, order full ahead , to take up a position where he could ambush his prey, the T3 tanker , loaded to the gill's with fuel ,to reign yet more death and destruction on the fatherland.
Then , with a large tonnage of ships sunk on his log book , return , triumphant to port , and for a month , enjoy wine ,women, and song , whilst his beloved U-1** was refuelled , reloaded, repainted , and fitted out with the latest engine's and batteries,,,,,,,
The skipper was startled from his daydreaming by the report " External reloads bought on board , sir!
"Full ahead" the skipper ordered , "man the deck gun , man the flak gun, repair team go to your station"
One hour later U-1## was in position , "C.E go to periscope depth" barks the skipper,
To be continued .............
UBd
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Post by faamecanic on May 28, 2005 17:35:34 GMT
Please continue..... this is sounding good.
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Post by Urlybird on Jun 1, 2005 21:08:24 GMT
Picture the scene ! .... U - 1## had been following convoy PQ#1 for the last 4 hours , The skipper was waiting for it to get dark , surface and reload his tubes with the 2 remaining torpedoes . He'd surface at sunset , steam a course 90* abeam of the convoy whilst reloading his precious cargo, then under the cover of the night , he'd set a course, order full ahead , to take up a position where he could ambush his prey, the T3 tanker , loaded to the gill's with fuel ,to reign yet more death and destruction on the fatherland. Then , with a large tonnage of ships sunk on his log book , return , triumphant to port , and for a month , enjoy wine ,women, and song , whilst his beloved U-1** was refuelled , reloaded, repainted , and fitted out with the latest engine's and batteries,,,,,,, The skipper was startled from his daydreaming by the report " External reloads bought on board , sir! "Full ahead" the skipper ordered , "man the deck gun , man the flak gun, repair team go to your station" One hour later U-1## was in position , "C.E go to periscope depth" barks the skipper, To be continued ............. UBd "Periscope depth sir!" the C.E whispers " Very good " replies the skipper " C.E , go to silent routine " |
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Post by Urlybird on Jun 7, 2005 22:35:25 GMT
Picture the scene ! .... U - 1## had been following convoy PQ#1 for the last 4 hours , The skipper was waiting for it to get dark , surface and reload his tubes with the 2 remaining torpedoes . He'd surface at sunset , steam a course 90* abeam of the convoy whilst reloading his precious cargo, then under the cover of the night , he'd set a course, order full ahead , to take up a position where he could ambush his prey, the T3 tanker , loaded to the gill's with fuel ,to reign yet more death and destruction on the fatherland. Then , with a large tonnage of ships sunk on his log book , return , triumphant to port , and for a month , enjoy wine ,women, and song , whilst his beloved U-1** was refuelled , reloaded, repainted , and fitted out with the latest engine's and batteries,,,,,,, The skipper was startled from his daydreaming by the report " External reloads bought on board , sir! "Full ahead" the skipper ordered , "man the deck gun , man the flak gun, repair team go to your station" One hour later U-1## was in position , "C.E go to periscope depth" barks the skipper, To be continued ............. UBd "Periscope depth sir!" the C.E whispers " Very good " replies the skipper " C.E , go to silent routine " The C.E had grouped the electric motors down , silently U-1## crept towards the spot marked on the plot where the Navigator had plotted the point where the boat would be 90* abeam of the convoy, and within striking distance of that fat T3 tanker, "Navigator , how far away is the target ? " the skipper asked, "9 km's on the plot , sir !" replied the N.O " Sonar operator , before the convoy gets any closer , i want you to sweep the boat with the portable OSN (Own Ships Noise ) meter " "Jawoul , herr kaulein" replied the S.O, and left the sonar room , to retrieve the OSN from it's stowage , from there the S.O proceeded to various stations on the boat , placed his probe on the hull of the baot and listened through his headphones, "ting, ting , ting , ting , ting , ting , " The S.O heard coming from the OSN , "Kapitain , I hear from the OSN , a fast ting, ting ,ting noise, coming from inside the boat " The S.O reported to the skipper "Gott in Himmell, If the escort hears that noise , we'll be done for" the skipper thought to himself , as he ordered the S.O to investigate the noise , then report his findings ASAP , Minute's passed .... .... .... "Kapitain, Sir ! " the S.O whispered to the skipper as he returned to the control room, " I found the source of the ting,ting,ting,ting,ting, noise , and put a stop to it sir" |
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Post by faamecanic on Jun 8, 2005 15:04:37 GMT
There must be a joke in here.... let me guess the ting ting ting is a little guy with a little hammer.
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Post by Urlybird on Jun 8, 2005 22:01:07 GMT
"Periscope depth sir!" the C.E whispers " Very good " replies the skipper " C.E , go to silent routine " The C.E had grouped the electric motors down , silently U-1## crept towards the spot marked on the plot where the Navigator had plotted the point where the boat would be 90* abeam of the convoy, and within striking distance of that fat T3 tanker, "Navigator , how far away is the target ? " the skipper asked, "9 km's on the plot , sir !" replied the N.O " Sonar operator , before the convoy gets any closer , i want you to sweep the boat with the portable OSN (Own Ships Noise ) meter " "Jawoul , herr kaulein" replied the S.O, and left the sonar room , to retrieve the OSN from it's stowage , from there the S.O proceeded to various stations on the boat , placed his probe on the hull of the baot and listened through his headphones, "ting, ting , ting , ting , ting , ting , " The S.O heard coming from the OSN , "Kapitain , I hear from the OSN , a fast ting, ting ,ting noise, coming from inside the boat " The S.O reported to the skipper "Gott in Himmell, If the escort hears that noise , we'll be done for" the skipper thought to himself , as he ordered the S.O to investigate the noise , then report his findings ASAP , Minute's passed .... .... .... "Kapitain, Sir ! " the S.O whispered to the skipper as he returned to the control room, " I found the source of the ting,ting,ting,ting,ting, noise , and put a stop to it sir" The skipper turns to the S.O , "what was the noise , and how did you stop it ?" he asks abruptly "Sir it was the chef in the galley " he was pleasuring himself into the pan of mashed spuds, sir !" "WHAT ! ! !" yelled the skipper" thats absolutely disgusting, I hope you told him to stop ! "No sir , i told him to take his cufflinks out" replied the S.O |
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Post by Madmike on Aug 26, 2005 9:29:45 GMT
LOL Urly ,
cheered me up B4 work
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Post by JAC on Aug 27, 2005 22:22:22 GMT
thats a disgusting dirty joke you must a filthy mind you should be ashamed of yourself you dirty old man ANY MORE?  ? |
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Post by RANY MIKE on Sept 6, 2005 11:05:06 GMT
HOW RUDE MORE PLEASE LOTS MORE
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